Brace yourselves, this is a bit of a personal one, quite gushy and heartfelt in some places. Meet my girls, totally different, too cute for my heart to handle and both full of spunk and fun:
Abigail Morgan (left, 3 and a half) / Stacey Georgia - Mae (right, one and a half)
Recently I have heard so many stories of sad, crazy and unexpected deaths in families. It seems that every time I open Facebook there is another news story on friends' pages, about someone they knew, or affecting someone they know. And it's happening to those with the same demographics as me - a husband dying in his thirties in a freak accident. A little girl in hospital who doesn't survive. A mum who dies, leaving her young children behind - home has been officially hit.
I don't mean this to be a heavy post, but what are we actually doing? How are we actually living our lives? If something tragic happened like this to me or someone I knew, or God forbid, to my husband, what is the legacy we are leaving behind? Are we soaking every bit of juice out of what we have been given, making the most of every teeny little thing (including our lemons) or are we just complaining and struggling through? It is SO EASY to get bogged down by things that we let dictate to our life - stress at work. Too much laundry. Needing a break from our kids to get some work done, or just to have a cup of tea in peace. Money. Things, and those things breaking, needing to be replaced. If we let them, they will weigh.us.down. Soon enough, our life will be controlled by these things and gosh, it will be heavy. That aint a great legacy-making, memory-baking, full life creating recipe!
My girls, painting together. I realized I hadn't let them do this for a whole year. That's when it occurred to me that I'm actually not being all that I can be to them, quite a hard hitting truth, yet filled with hope of what can be.
Recently, I've thought A LOT about this and I've realised that I struggle to actually be with my kids when I'm with them, I live from nap time to bed time, with my stress head on because I know that most days I'll only get to my computer at 9pm. Recently I've tried my best to be a fun mum, a mum who plays and laughs with my kids. Look into their eyes when they talk to me and not on my phone, saying "just wait a minute, I need to write a message quickly.) Get down on their level when i speak to them. It's been a conscious effort, trying to break the nap-time to bed-time habit, but I've done it. I thought my eldest (Abigail Morgan, nearly 4, perceptive, sensitive and lovely) was not the affectionate type. I thought she didn't like cuddles. Since, I've seen Abi laugh more, hug and kiss more, and she now tells me she loves me at LEAST twice a day. In my wrapped-up-in-my-own-world-ness, I got her all wrong. SO EASY! She just needed more downtime with me to open up her hug tank. She refers to her and her sister as "your special girls" an she KNOWS she is loved. Stacey, my 22 month old, has finally since started saying Mama, and calls out excitedly for me all.the.time. I thought I was a good mom, and I am, but I realised that often, I'm not a very present mom, and what actually is the point of working from home if I'm not.
Abi, paint everywhere! (Trust me, it got a lot more colourful!
I want to know now that my kids will remember me for taking time to play with them, believe the best of them and for being their biggest cheerleader and motivator. That I was the one that helped fill them up to brimming over and made them feel invincible. That I taught them to not despise their weaknesses or boast of their strengths but to just do the very best they can with what they have. I want to know that my husband, the beautiful man that he is, feels worth the weight in gold he is. That I give him my best time when he comes home. That I keep on showing him that I adore him with my whole heart. I want to encourage strangers, make people's days, and be infectious with joy. A breath of fresh air. Time is short, we don't know when we will go, but when I do, or when somebody close to me does, I want to know that I lived a FULL LIFE, and I did my best to make other's lives full around me. I'm not trying to guilt us into just dropping everything and make our lives revolve around our loved ones, far from it, but perhaps we have erred too much on the side of "give yourself a break, you're doing a good job" (and breaks are important) , but have blind-sighted ourselves to the fact that it's the quality of time spent, not the quantity that matters, and the way this world is going with social media etc robs us of quality of relationship.
Stace babe, my sweet curly top just LOVING the mess
I lost a friend to Diabetes a couple of years ago, and I nearly lost my father in February this year. That's a whole other story, but you cannot believe the regrets that come flooding once you're in that situation. Let's not wait until a bad situation finds us complaining, ungrateful or selfish, having to backtrack and come up with a list of "if only's". It won't soften the blow, but it will keep you grateful for the memories you do have, or have made for others. Let's live with our hearts wide open and make the most of every situation we can. When we feel that bogged down feeling come, it has no home in us. Let's not keep it comfortable. All we actually need, all that really and truly matters, is right in front of us. It's right within our reach, hold it close. Love them, nurture them, do your BEST for them. Relationally. Relationships are eternal, let's make the most of them on this side of life. A legacy of truth, faithfulness, joy, kindness, gratitude and a life on fire with love. Memories are worth making, they're one thing we're keeping xx
Sisters, friends for life.
Nurture. Love. Encourage. Biggest believer, best cheerleader. Over and out xx